I afslutningen af en parterapi spørger jeg ofte, ”hvad er det vigtigste du tager med herfra i dag? ”, og svaret er meget tit, ” vigtigheden af at lytte til min partner”.
Hvorfor er det mon det, der lagrer sig mest hos de fleste par, som en væsentlig ting? Jo, de fleste opdager i terapien, at de tror, de lytter til deres partner, men det er bare ikke det, der sker. De fleste af os er mest optaget af os selv, når vi lytter til et hente en historie frem, som vi fortæller, for at vise at vi godt kan genkende det den anden siger. Oplever den anden part sig hørt? Nej, man er efterladt med følelsen af ikke at blive set, hørt og forstået. Når den oplevelse gentager sig for mange gange, bevæger parret sig længere og længere væk fra hinanden. Det er et fundamentalt behov hos alle mennesker, børn som voksne at blive set, hørt og forstået af de betydningsfulde mennesker, som er i vores liv. Det giver os følelsen af at være værdifulde, det styrker selvfølelsen og kærligheden vokser. Vi bliver til i relationer.
Så øve dig i at lytte, altså virkelig lytte. Lyt til ordene, se din partners ansigt, mærk følelsen. Giv så din partner din fulde opmærksomhed og fortæl med et ord, et kram eller hvad der nu giver mening i situationen, at du er der for ham/hende uden at komme med gode råd, bare vær med det, der er.
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